Broken Wings
by BTRObsessedFan
Summary: When the team is off trying to stop a serial rapist/killer, they soon realize Spencer is fighting his own demon.
1. Prologue

DISCLAIMER: Unfortunately, I don't own Criminal minds. If I did, I wouldn't be here. The only character here I own is Dan and I want to kill him. =) Happy reading!

**Prologue**

"_The greater the power, the more dangerous the abuse."_ _-- Edmund Burke_

He was gone. He was finally gone and, from what little time he had, Spencer felt safe. Alone…but safe.

He had an hour to wash up and get ready for work. What to do about his newest bruise? How to cover this one up? What lie could he invent this time? I mean, after all, how many times does a person walk into a door?

Coming out of the closet was hard enough; especially since the one team member he seemed to be the closest to—Derek Morgan—seemed to be avoiding him lately. If coming out of the closet to his team was hard, telling them that his lover abuses him, well there was just no doing that. They don't understand it's been hard for him and Dan lately. With him away on business trips for months at a time, it is hard for them to set up a vacation for them—a first trip as a couple. They had one all planned out for a week after Christmas, but they had to postpone it because Spencer had to work. That was not pleasant….


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

Dan had come home happy. He was even whistling. Spencer smiled nervously. He hadn't heard Dan whistle in a very long time. It was, then, he saw them--the most beautiful bouquet of roses. Roses? Dan only ever bought flowers on their first date.

"I made lasagna. There are rolls in the oven," said Spencer not knowing how to break the news to him. He made a glorious dinner for Dan and him to have together so he could break the news gently.

"Since when have you turned into Martha Stewart?" said Dan.

It was little comments like that that Spencer wasn't sure if he was trying to kid around or just being mean.

Dan comes closer to Spencer and shows him the roses. "Roses for my sweet, Spencer…. A man who is too smart for his own good…who should know he can do better than me."

Dan kisses Spencer on the cheek where just earlier that day he had smacked him so hard that it stung for a long time. It wasn't the first time that Dan has hit his lover, and Spencer soon realized, it may not be the last.

"I'm sorry baby. I'm having a tough time…trying to find a job."

They had talked before about this, Spencer has said that Dan didn't need a job. Dan could stay with him and not worry about it. That conversation seemed to make Dan really angry, it was also the first time Dan had hit Spencer. After that, Spencer made a mental note never to bring up money.

"I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have gotten mad. Thank you for the roses." He smelled them, went over to the kitchen to get a vase and filled it up with water.

Dan came over and wrapped his arms around his waist and kissed his neck. Dan can be very affectionate when he wants to be. He is also very loving and romantic. So what? A few cuts and bruises to deal with. He knows when Dan finds the job he wants he'll stop and Spencer will have his loving boyfriend again.

"It smells good baby," whispered Dan.

Spencer's body shook as Dan kissed his neck gently. It had been a long time since he and Dan had made love. They had sex lots of times, but it was always rough and to Spencer it seemed uncaring.

"I have good news. I may have a job interview on Monday. I sent my work to a Stuart Mason, who is in charge of a newspaper office called 'The Review'. They said they liked my work."

"That's great baby!" Spencer kisses Dan deeply on the lips and Dan accepts it.

Spencer loves reading Dan's work. It was how they met. He was an editor for an old newspaper and he was interviewing Spencer after a difficult case. Dan had been so sly and romantic at the time. He coolly approached Spencer and asked a few questions. He, then, offered to buy him lunch and to finish off the interview. How could Spencer turn an offer like that down? Of course, back then, he was still very much in the closet. It was Dan who made him come out. Well…threatened him to come out. Saying if he didn't come clean to his "friends" at the BAU, he would dump him.

~~FLASHBACK~~

So, Spencer came out. He kind of just blurted it out during one of their trips they were all taking to a crime scene. He wouldn't look at his team as he made his announcement and it took several minutes to get a response. It seemed like the longest minutes of his life. He knew how hard it would be to work on a team who despises you. He thought maybe Morgan would be the first to answer, since he and Morgan seemed to get along pretty well. But, it was JJ who answered first.

"Guess we owe Garcia ten bucks," she says to Hotch who was still in shock.

"Damn. How long Reid?"

"About a year I admit to myself, but most likely all my life. Are you OK with this?"

"Spencer, wake up. It's the 21st century. We'd be more concerned if you weren't gay."

The gang chuckles and JJ and Hotch goes back to their chess game like nothing happened. Spencer smiles to himself. Dan was right. If they are my true friends, then, me being gay shouldn't matter. He, then, realizes the man whose opinion on anything means a lot to him—Morgan—hasn't said anything since his announcement. In fact, he left the room.

Later, when Morgan returned he looked angry. Spencer wasn't sure why. Was it because of the new case or his announcement? Soon he got his answer, Morgan show a look over at Spencer…a very angry look and looked away. Spencer always hated it whenever someone was angry at him for any reason but knowing Morgan was made him feel alone.

~~PRESENT~~

Even to this day, Morgan barely acknowledges Spencer when they are in the same room. Spencer fears he had lost the best friend he ever had.

"Can I do anything to help out for dinner?" asked Dan.

Spencer still in a daze was shocked by Dan's question. "Sure. Could you set the table?"

"Anything for my baby. How was your day at work? You know, I still can't believe you get through the day with the kind of job you have. If it was me, I don't think I could handle it."

Spencer laid the vase on the counter and gazed lovingly at it. Most people would take advantage of a simple token, but not Spencer. It meant Dan was in a loving mood.

"Earth to Spencer…."

"Huh?"

"You OK? You're zoning out a lot tonight," asked Dan as he placed a plate down.

"I'm fine. Sorry! Just the flowers are beautiful." Dan actually blushed.

"It was nothing. So, anything happen at work? Unravel any mysteries?"

In all honesty, Dan was a good lover to Spencer. He was very much interested in his job. Although, he worried about him constantly whenever he had to leave town. He knew those could be the most dangerous cases.

Maybe it was the reporter in him, but he can't help but ask a lot of questions about the cases his team and he goes on. "Maybe when I land this job, we can travel together. I can interview you and the team as the case unfolds."

Spencer knew that might be a long shot, since he won't be able to ride the team's plane. He'd never say it to his face but having a reporter around all the time while trying to solve a case can be very annoying. "I would like that." He smiles, hoping to God that Dan can't read his mind.

Dan finished setting the table. Spencer got a bottle of wine out of the cooler.

"Wow! You went all out, huh? Are you dumping me?" teases Dan.

"No," laughs Spencer. "I have white wine. You use red wine to break up."

Dan laughs and they got their dinner together. They say down.

"I would like that." he smiles, hoping to god dan can't read his mind.

Dan finished setting the table.

Spencer go a bottle of wine out of the freezer.

"Wow, went all out huh are you dumping me?" teases Dan.

"No" laughes Spencer. "I have white wine, you use red wine to break up."

Dan laughs, they got their dinner and sat down to eat. This is the scene he always loved about relationships. The alone time…being cuddly and romantic. Dan was being a goofball all through dinner. "Hmmmm…. I have the best bite right here…all cheese."

Spencer knew what Dan was doing. He wanted to let him feed him. "I can see that," he smiled back. He leans over and Dan brings the fork to Spencer's lips. He opens up and accepts it. It was cheesy, maybe even the best bite. As he was eating, Dan leans over and kisses him.

Spencer, of course, accepts the kiss and their tongues gingerly caress each other. Soon the food, the flowers, the wine meant nothing at all. It felt like Spencer and Dan were the only souls left in the world. Nothing else mattered, not even the fact that his best friend doesn't even talk to him. He had Dan with him…his lover.

"I can't wait for our cruise. Two weeks in the Bahamas. Those warm beaches…that clear water oceans…you in a speedo."

Spencer blushes. "Only for you would I wear one." Dan continues to kiss Spencer's neck, both seem to have forgotten the dinner.

"We leave January fifteenth. Seven o'clock flight."

"Wait…when?"

"January fifteenth. One week away…."

"January? I thought it was planned for Valentine's day?"

"No, we planned for it a week after Christmas because it was booked on Christmas Eve. Remember?"

"No, I really thought…."

"Spencer…DAMNIT!" He hit his hand on the table so hard his wine tipped over and the glass hit the floor. "We made these plans together! We made sure we were both available. DON'T TELL ME YOU HAVE TO WORK?!"

No one seems to make a dive to clean up the broken glass so Spencer grabs a napkin and kneels down to pick it up.

"Put the napkin back…." Dan says sternly.

Spencer swallows hard. "Wh…what?"

"I said put the napkin back. Are you deaf? We all know the ever-knowing Dr. Spencer Reid isn't dumb! Put it back and pick it up with your hands!" Dan watches as Spencer picks up the glass off the floor. He smiles as Spencer cuts himself from the glass.

It hurt like hell as the glass cuts deep into his skin. But, Spencer knows better than to show the pain.

"Maybe you don't want to be with me. Is that it? You'd rather be off with these insane people who kills for a living? Or those precious friends of you whom I may add never showed up for their own teammates birthday party that I put together? And you don't seem to want to go on a vacation with me either!"

"I do want to go baby, but I…."

"SHUT UP! Stop with the whining! Fine…we won't go on the cruise. I'll give the tickets to some lucky schmuck instead…or maybe I'll take someone else with me."

Spencer flinched when Dan yelled at him, knowing what's soon to come. He always tries to calm him down before it got too bad. He was never that much successful at that. "Dan, don't please…." Spencer couldn't finish his last words. Dan had slapped him across the face which made Spencer fall back on the floor. He felt his cheek and closed his eyes tightly hoping it would make it go away. He hoped when he looked up Dan would be the loving Dan he was a few moments ago. Again, no such luck. Dan's angry unforgiving eyes looked back at him.

"Maybe I'll do just that for once. I'll go on a trip and not come back for days and days and not call you! See how you fucking like it!"

Spencer was deeply hurt by that comment more than when Dan hit him. Dan went over to the table, grabbed his plate of what was now cold lasagna and slammed it on the floor, breaking the plate and having it go everywhere. Spencer flinched afraid that Dan was going to hit him with it.

"Thanks for dinner, babe. I can't eat another thing. I'm going out…." Dan motioned to the broken plate and the food before continuing, "This better be cleaned up before I come back or be ready for round two!" With that, he stormed out slamming the door behind him, leaving Spencer shaking on the floor.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Spencer cleaned up the mess and got ready for work. Work would keep him busy. It's like he's a different person at work. Even if he spends his time looking at gruesome photos of death and murder, Spencer spends most of his time solving the agencies top cases…rescuing people from the situations he has himself been in. He can barely stomach the photos the team looks through every morning. He can't help but wonder if his team would be looking at his photo on their board this morning.

"OK, Spence. Stop thinking that way!" he tells himself. "Dan is just aggravated because we haven't been able to have much time alone." He tells himself this whenever Dan gets aggravated, which is a lot. It helps him believe that Dan will be loving again. It helped him get through the beatings and the verbal abuse Dan throws at him. However, it doesn't seem to get him through the emotional stress he's goes through. As Spencer cleaned up the apartment, not wanting Dan to come and find he hasn't done so. He believed him when he said there'd be round two if it was still a mess.

He also got himself prepared. He took a long shower and got dressed. The team would be arriving to the office soon. They always started early when they had to travel. He took a look at himself in the mirror making sure there was no visible marks, because he was not composed enough to be able to think of a new lie. He was great to see that there wasn't. With that, he took his poncho and locked up.

The gang was there in the briefing room. Hotch was at the coffee machine and JJ was flipping through the photos. "Garcia is on the net now looking up any info she can get. Good morning, Reid," she said kind fast in the middle of her sentence.

"Morning…sorry…I'm a little late."

"It's OK. We're all off on a slow start today."

"Coffee?" asked Hotch. Spencer just nodded afraid to speak.

The photos flew at him as JJ handed him them. "Our unsub seems to be tracking down young males who live on the streets of Boston." As she talked, JJ posted up photo by photo of young male victims all seem to be under the age of twenty. "They seem to have no family and they seem to belong to an underground prostitution ring…." JJ clears her throat. "They also seem to be gay, since their client calls where from males."

For some reason, the team looked at Spencer when she said gay. They didn't say anything. They just looked and turned around, as if Spencer was the pink elephant in the room and no one brought it up. Morgan just looked at him longer and shook his head and turned away. This hurt Spencer deeply. He never thought Derek Morgan of all people were prejudiced.

He tried to shake it off. "You said they had no families, but what about tracking any of them down?"

"Most of them probably disowned them; even if we did find out who they were, they most likely wouldn't help."

It was going to be a long trip he can tell. This is the kind of case he didn't need right now. The group packed it up as their plane got their stuff together. Spencer was wondering if he should call Dan. No, he's most likely sleeping. Quickly thinking against the idea, he puts his cell phone away.

Morgan knocks on Garcia's door. She was just getting her area situated. "I've came to say we're getting ready to leave."

"You better call me then."

"I'm sure I'll have to," he says sadly.

"What is it baby?"

"Nothing…just tired…."

"No, I've seen you tired. You're agitated about something. Come on! You have a few moments…spill it!" She pats on the chair near her and Morgan accepts it and sits down.

"How is it you know me so well?" He smiles.

"It's what I do. You haven't talked to him yet have you?" she asks sternly.

He knew better then to lie to her, she reads him so well. "I haven't talked to him."

"Derek! You're my friend…my colleague…my wet dream... but can I put this lightly? You are an ass!"

"Penny!"

"He's your friend, isn't he? He looks up to you and you're treating him like he has a disease! I'm really disappointed in you."

Morgan nods. "I'm not mad at him. I'm mad at Dan! That fucker…!"

"Why because he has the man you want? If I felt that way, I'd be strangling Spencer now!" She smiles.

Morgan and Garcia's relationship or friendship has been that way since day one. She flirts with him even knowing full well that he's gay. Morgan hides it well by keeping his night life separate from his day job and friends, even after Spencer came out. Knowing he goes to night clubs and brings home a different guy each week, she often wonders why he's so cold to Spencer. It was then she figured it out. Morgan, her dear friend, was in love with Spencer Reid and probably always has been.

"That's not why. If Spencer was totally happy and in love, I would be happy for him; but, he's not. I know that Dan is abusing him."

"Whoa…what?"

Morgan just nods. "I'm mad at Dan and I'm pissed at Spencer for not telling me."

"If he didn't tell you, how do you know?"

"I've worked with him for years. We shared everything together. A friend knows when the other is hurt and, let's face it, Spencer is not clumsy. I hardly doubt he fell down a flight of stairs last week when he was complaining of his side hurting and what about that black eye he had a few months ago?"

Garcia couldn't help it. She started to cry. "I can't stand knowing our baby is being hurt!"

"Me either."

"And we're just sitting here. You have to do something!"

"What can I do if he doesn't want to tell me?"

"For god sakes Morgan, he's in trouble! Get off your high horse and help him! Think of him as a victim and not your friend! And…if you don't, I will…."

It was very rare that Garcia ever yelled at him. He knew he had to rescue him. Morgan leaves and returns back to the plane. The group was ready to go to Boston. He got on the plane and sat next to Spencer who was reading. "Good book?" he asks not really knowing what to say.

Spencer nods. "Mmmhmm…." which meant he was deep into reading. He didn't want to take his eyes off the page because that was how he lost himself in the real world--a world full of violence and hate. He read whatever he could get his hands on.

Morgan let Spencer read knowing he's useless to talk to when he has a book in his hands. He kind of just watches him read…watches…. It was hypnotizing to watch as he lips moved along with the words. It was like a rhythm and he was keeping up with the beat…wishing he was that book Spencer was holding so closely.

Spencer was so in tune with the words he had no idea Morgan was watching him. Morgan smiles sadly at Spencer thinking to himself. "I'll get him for hurting you, Spencer. I promise…I'll save you!"


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

After a day of questioning people, they went back to the hotel where they were staying. Always two to a room, Spencer is used to rooming with Morgan on business trips.

"You hungry?" asked Morgan. "I can get us some room service?"

"Sure…fine!" Spencer was wondering if he should call Dan hoping he has calmed down a bit.

"You know what? Why don't we just go out for dinner?"

"Huh?"

"Dinner…you know a meal you have at night? Usually, it consists of more than one person."

"Oh…sure…if you want?"

For some reason, Spencer was confused by this. Did he just get asked out by Morgan…to dinner? Shouldn't he say no? No! Spencer couldn't reject the offer. It was just dinner nothing big. Dan couldn't get angry at that…could he?

"I'll be back. I'm going to see if there any calls."

Morgan nods not bothering to ask him wouldn't have Dan called the cell. He knew he hated this Dan guy! He knew he was hurting Spencer and wasn't sure if he was angry at Dan, at Spencer for not telling him or at himself for not doing anything before to help him! NO! He knew he was angry at Dan.

"Asshole!" he mutters to himself as he heads into the bathroom. As he does, he notices a book on the floor next to Spencer's bed. Morgan recognizes it right away as Spencer's journal. Morgan goes over and opens the table next to Spencer's but couldn't help but leafing through it.

It was an accident. It must have fallen on the floor and he picked it up. Sure, maybe he should have just closed it; but, he already saw one or two words.

_I still can't sleep at night. I have these dreams of him still!_

_I'm not supposed to feel like this…at least not towards him._

_So…why do I?_

Morgan wondered what he meant. Even though it was his job to analyze people, Spencer always seemed rather different to him--not different as in strange, but different as in unique. Back in high school his friends and he would normally tease the type of person Spencer is. In fact, he was a taunt of bullying himself but no one knows about it.

He continues to read some more.

_How can I love him when I'm with Dan? Sure, we're in a rough patch_

_right_ _now, but Dan can be really sweet as well._

_No, I can't love Derek as well. It will complicate things at work,_

_not_ _to mention he barely acknowledges me as it is._

_If he found out not only that I was gay, but that I loved him, I don't know what I'd do!_

Morgan felt like a huge ass for treating Spencer the way he did when he first came out. He was supposed to be his friend. He put his journal back quickly as he heard Spencer coming back out.

"Derrick? Everything, ok?"

"Oh, yes! I'll be right out. Did Dan call?"

"No. He must still be busy."

"I'm sorry."

Spencer nods. "Can I ask a question?"

"Sure!"

"How come you changed your mind?"

"Huh?"

"Well, I mean…you haven't talked to me in a long time…why now?"

"Because…I realized I was a jerk. I shouldn't have treated you that way."

Spencer smiles. "You're not a jerk…an ass…maybe?"

"Dinner is on me to help earn your friendship back."

There is no way I can tell him, Spencer thought to himself. I can't let anyone know, they'll hate me! Images of school days flashed through Spencer's mind as he was bullied by kids…taunting him and calling him every nasty name in the book. He can't tell them the truth. He can't tell them how he feels about his own colleague. Morgan must never know!

"Be right out!" Morgan smiles at him and goes into the bathroom for a quick shower.

Spencer sighs to himself. It was, then, his phone rang. "Special Agent Reid…."

"I love when you answer the phone like that…all professional."

"Dan!" Spencer smiles. Dan hardly ever calls him on his cell.

"I'm an ass…. I should have checked things with you first. Dating an FBI agent isn't easy, I guess."

"Yeah…and you're not an ass. I really thought it was Valentine's Day." Spencer couldn't help but shed a tear or two. He was glad Dan wasn't there to see it.

"When you come back…why don't we just take three days by ourselves? We'll go somewhere…maybe to a cabin in the woods? I bet you would look very cute on a bare skin rug."

"Sure…. I'm sure I can work it out with the team. I just don't know how long I'll be here."

"It's OK. You go work…catch those bad guys for me."

"I will. I love you, Dan!"

"You too. I'll call you tomorrow." Dan was never one to say I love you.

Spencer hung up his phone and started to pick up the room a little. He heard the shower running and noticed the door was opened a little. He went over to close it and that's when he noticed him. Spencer watched as his close friend showered. He watched as the water dripped down his body. Maybe that wouldn't be so bad, but the rest…the rest was what he was ashamed. As he watched, his penis seemed to stir. He knew this was wrong. He can't believe he was in love with two men at the same time…and one was his partner. No! He couldn't be. It would be to much more to deal with at once and he couldn't take that as well.

The water stops and Spencer quickly leaves shutting the door. Morgan dries off always feeling really good after taking a nice, hot shower. It is also nice to have some company stay with him for a while; however, he could not seem to erase what he saw earlier. Trying to shake off the thought, Morgan toweled off and pulled on a pair of pants and a T-shirt.

Spencer tried to control himself. Come on, Reid! Whatever you are feeling, stop it! It won't happen in your wildest imagination. But, that's just it. Lately, he has been having wild thoughts…strange fantasies filling his mind making it hard for him to concentrate at work. No! Don't…. But, it was too late. Another image began to fill his head with empty promises.

_In the bathroom, Morgan sees Spencer catch him and smiles. "I was waiting for you." Spencer smiles back. He waited forever to hear someone say that to him. Morgan opens the shower door and Spencer walks in. The hot water hits him gently and he realizes that he's still fully clothed. A little embarrassed, he blushes. Morgan doesn't care though. He has been waiting for this moment…to be with Spencer since they first met. He takes him into his arms and kisses him deeply. While kissing him, Morgan starts to undress him slowly. At this moment, Reid's excitement turns to fear as Morgan undoes his top button…afraid to expose his small boy like hairless body compared to Morgan's strong built man's body. Again, thoughts of childish pranks came back to haunt him. No! We can't! I can't! He says nervously afraid of what might come after teasing him. I'm sorry!_

The image felt so real. Even in his fantasies, Spencer seemed to be the one to back down. Ashamed of his body, he felt tears fall from his eyes as he looks at himself in a mirror. "I'm not good enough," he whispers. However, his whispers weren't quiet enough.

"Spence?"


End file.
